Final Personal Narrative--The Front Door

Here's my final draft of the personal narrative. I changed the title, description of my mom and the scene, and the ending. Let me know what you think. 

The Front Door

There I sat in the corner of the room, crying. I knew it. My life was over.

“She told me not to. She told me not to,” I repeated over and over in my little 10-year-old mind believing that this would somehow make everything better. I had always known that my mom was always right but this time I really knew it.

Only hours before, I was sitting at the granite kitchen countertop eating my lunch as mom rushed by me and out the door leading into the garage. I was sure she had some very important motherly business to attend to. She was always carrying her big purse filled with who knows what and that day her hair was just a bit frazzled from her already very busy morning. As I heard the van start up in the garage I got up and walked a few steps past the fridge to the sink to refill my cup.

I am free, I thought as I looked at the door and then around at the kitchen connected to the dining room. That was, until she came rushing back in.

“Steven, make sure you don’t go outside while I’m gone,” she said with a concerned look that only a mother could pull off. There was something about the way Mom looked at me with her big blue eyes.

“Why?” I asked, as does every normal little kid. I didn’t say anything more but in my mind that really seemed like a ridiculous request. It was so nice outside.

“I don’t know why.  Just make sure you don’t go outside,” she replied this time with a little more earnestness.

“But Mom why?” I said, pressing the issue a little more. “I won’t leave the yard.”

“Steven I honestly don’t know why but I just have a feeling something will happen if you leave the house and go outside. Maybe it has to do with one of the neighbors…” she said, her words trailing off as she glanced outside.

This time I knew she meant it. There was something in her voice that last time that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. But I started to have a feeling, too. “I won’t go outside Mom. I promise.” I mean, after all, I didn’t want something bad to happen to me while she was gone. I had a life to live.

“I trust you,” she said as she kissed me on the head and rushed out the door.

I was free again but not quite as much as I was before because now I was stuck inside. So I watched TV for a little while and then went up to my room to play with a couple new toys I had just gotten. One of them was a brand new slingshot. This wasn’t just any slingshot. It was one my uncle had helped me make, out of a branch I found.  

I walked around the house, my mind preoccupied with things I was pretending to shoot when all of a sudden there he was. I could see him just outside the window on the side of our house.

I ran to the back door, opened it, and made my way to the side of the house, not forgetting to pick up a few perfectly shaped rocks on the way. As I rounded the corner there he was, in the exact place I had seen him just moments ago. A real live red robin. It was almost as if he was waiting for me, daring me to try out my new slingshot. So I grabbed my first pebble and aimed. This was my first shot of the day.

Zhoom, it went, flying way over him landing somewhere in the grass a ways off.  He was gone. That was my one and only chance and now it was gone in the blink of eye. So I wandered around the outside of the house for a few minutes looking for any other things I could shoot when, I saw him again. This time he was on the porch at the top of the few stairs that led into the house. I was given a second chance so I had to make it count. I had to get him this time. So I pulled out my last little rock. It was an especially good one, nice and round, perfect for accuracy. I loaded it. Pulled back. And released…

Zhoom… Crash!

The sound of shattering glass filled the air and what I saw was even worse. It was my front door. This wasn’t just your regular door with a small window. Almost the full thing was glass, beautifully etched glass. Not even all the money I had could begin to pay for that door. So I resorted to my next best option.

I cried. The truth is that my little 10-year-old mind couldn’t think of anything else to do but hide and cry. Just as I began to realize the magnitude of what had just happened it got worse. I realized that not only did I break the glass door, I had broken a promise. She had told me not to go outside but I did it anyway. It was an honest mistake. I just plain forgot in all the excitement of being able to use my new slingshot.

Stupid, stupid slingshot. I hate you! Thinking that it was somehow the slingshot’s fault. I threw my slingshot at the fence as I ran inside. At this point all I could do was wait. I knew that I had not only disobeyed mom, but now the front door was completely shattered. I was doomed. My life was over. I was sure the next time I would see the light of day was when I was old enough to leave the house for good.

As I sat in the corner, crying, in walked dad. I remembered earlier that day he said he was going to come pick me up and we would do something fun, but this was sure to change everything. He was sure to have seen the door as he drove in.

He walked directly over and sat down next to me. “I’m sorry, Dad. I’m really, really sorry. I didn’t mean to. ” I wasn’t even able to look up at him. I just waited in silence for the stern reply.

“How about a round of golf,” he said.

“But… but… what about the door? What about mom?” I couldn’t believe my ears. Did he not realize what I had just done?

“You worry about getting ready for golf, and I’ll worry about mom. ”

Years later I remember returning home to visit my parents. During my brief visit, my little sister had taken my brand new phone. Her favorite thing to do was to steal something of mine and run around as I tried to get it from her. This time though, before I could get it back she dropped it on the hard marble floor of my parents’ front entryway.

She completely froze, knowing I wasn’t going to be happy. All she could do was stare at the phone and just hope it wasn’t broken. As I looked at her, I reached down to pick up my phone with so many thoughts of what to say. And just when I almost couldn’t hold back any longer, I saw it, just behind her.

The beautiful, glass front door. 

Personal Narrative Draft- The Slingshot

The Slingshot

There I sat in the corner of the room, crying. I knew it. My life was over.

“She told me not to. She told me not to,” I repeated over and over in my little 10-year-old mind believing that this would somehow make everything better. I had always known that my mom was always right but this time I really knew it.

Only hours before, I was sitting at the granite kitchen countertop eating my lunch as mom rushed out the door. I was sure she had some very important motherly business to attend to.

“I am free,” I thought. That was, until she came rushing back in.

“Steven, make sure you don’t go outside while I’m gone,” she said with a concerned look that only a mother could pull off.

“Why?” I asked, as does every normal little kid. I didn’t say anything more but in my mind that really seemed like a ridiculous request. It was so nice outside.

“I don’t know why.  Just make sure you don’t go outside,” she replied this time with a little more earnestness.

“But mom why?” I said, pressing the issue a little more. “I won’t leave the yard.”

“Steven I honestly don’t know why but I just have a feeling something will happen if you leave the house and go outside. Maybe it has to do with one of the neighbors…” she said, her words trailing off as she glanced outside.

This time I knew she meant it. There was something in her voice that last time that I couldn’t quite put my finger. But I started to have a feeling too. “I won’t go outside mom. I promise.” I mean, after all, I didn’t want something bad to happen to me while she was gone. I had a life to live.

“I trust you,” she said as she kissed me on the head and rushed out the door.

I was free again but not quite as much as I was before because now I couldn’t go outside. So I watched TV for a little while and then went up to my room to play with a couple new toys I had just gotten. One of them was a brand new slingshot that my uncle had helped me make. This wasn’t just any slingshot. It was one I had made out of a branch I found and hadn’t really used it much yet.

I walked around the house, my mind preoccupied with things I was pretending to shoot when all of a sudden there he was. I could see him just outside the window on the side of our house.

I ran to the back door, opened it, and made my way to the side of the house, not forgetting to pick up a few perfectly shaped rocks on the way. As I rounded the corner there he was, in the exact place I had seen him just moments ago. A real live red robin. It was almost as if he was waiting for me, daring me to try my new slingshot out. So I grabbed my first pebble and aimed. This was my first shot of the day.

Zhoom, it went, flying way over him landing somewhere in the grass a ways off.  He was gone. That was my one and only chance and now it was gone in the blink of eye. So I wandered around the outside of the house for a few minutes looking for any other things I could shoot for practice when, I saw him again. This time he was on the porch at the top of the few stairs that lead into the house. I was given a second chance so I had better make it worth it. I had to get him this time. So I pulled out my last little rock. It was an especially good one, nice and round, perfect for accuracy. I loaded it. Pulled back. And released…

Zhoom… Crash!

The sound of shattering glass filled the air and what I saw was even worse. It was my front door. This wasn’t just your regular door with a small window. Almost the full thing was glass, beautiful etched glass. Not even all the money I had could begin to pay for that door. So I resorted to my next best option.

I cried. The truth is that my little 10-year-old mind couldn’t think of anything else to do but hide and cry. Just as I began to realize the magnitude of what had just happened it intensified. I realized the promise I had also made with mom. She had told me not to go outside but I did anyway. It was an honest mistake. I just plain forgot in all the excitement of being able to use my new slingshot.

“Stupid, stupid slingshot. I hate you!” Thinking that it was somehow the slingshot’s fault. I threw my slingshot at the fence as I ran inside. At this point all I could do was wait. I knew that I had not only disobeyed mom, but now the front door was completely shattered. I was doomed. My life was over. I was sure the next time I would see the light of day was when I was old enough to leave the house for good.

As I sat in the corner, crying, in walked dad. I remembered earlier that day he said he was going to come pick me up and we would do something fun, but this was sure to change everything. He was sure to have seen the door as he drove in.

He walked directly over and sat down next to me. “I’m sorry dad. I’m really, really sorry. I didn’t mean to. ” I wasn’t even able to look up at him. I just waited in silence for the stern reply.

“How about a round of golf,” he said.

“But… but… what about the door? What about mom?” I couldn’t believe my ears. Did he not realize what I had just done?

“You worry about getting ready for golf and I’ll worry about mom. ”

Years later I read a quote that explained what I did not understand that day, “A problem that can be fixed with money is not a real problem.” 

I still had to work, however, to help pay for the door. 

Elder Callister's Use of Rhetoric

Elder Tad R. Callister is one of my speakers, probably my favorite outside the Quotum of of Twelve. He just seems to be such an authority figure in whatever he talks about, probably because he chooses to speak on things that he knows a lot about.
I think the first thing that I see him as such an authority is because I know some of the things he has done. To begin with he was just called to Presidency of the Seventy and has been a general authority for a while.  If you believe in the organization of the church then this will immediately establish ethos because we know he has to be a credible source. He has also written some great books, one of the most well known being "The Infinite Atonement." His voice and the way in which he speaks just portrays a feeling of complete confidence and authority. You can't help but listen to what he is saying.
One literary device he uses a lot are rhetorical questions. My favorite in this talk is, "Can He come up out of the water if is not down in the water?"Some of these, like this one, establish logos because he sounds so logical when he explaining something and then asks you a question about it. You almost can't help but agree with his logic. They also often help establish pathos in the audience because they become involved in what he is saying and keeps them engaged. They also motivate the audience to agree with him because of the way he words them.
He uses one specific example of a little girl talking with her friend at school. This example establishes a great amount of Pathos. As you listen you tend to put yourself in her shoes. It motivates you to action because she stands up for what she believes in and you want to just jump up and do the same. This story also establishes logos too because the way she explains how she gained a testimony is so logical and that no one can gain one without reading the Book of Mormon. So you can't deny it until you've read.
I think Elder Callister is the greatest at using logos because almost everything he says is backed by a logical argument of some sort. He doesn't use emottion but makes you understand the why behind almost everything.

 Click here to watch Elder Callister's Talk on the Book of Mormon.

Too Much Writing

I don't know why it has taken me so long but I am just realizing that there is really a lot of writing in this world. This semester it seems that every time I turn around there is another paper to write or another letter of intent or some application essay. But you know what, it is actually really good for me because I'm realizing that writing is a tool that I am going to be using the rest of my life. So I better get used to it and maybe even get a little better while I'm at it. Probably my favorite thing that I have written so far is my personal narrative. I liked it because I think it is something that I will actually continue to do.
Writing is an amazing tool that we can learn to use in order to communicate the ideas we want to. I am amazed at how much of an art it really is. There is so much you can do or change when you write in order to enhance ideas that you want to portray. "Finding my written voice"is quite the process.
One thing I used to not really understand is why I had to do so many drafts. I mean did it really make any difference. What I realize now is the fact that I would never perform  a piece on the cello without a lot of practice and a few practice performances before the final thing.

My New Major

I made it!
I finally heard back about my application to the business management program and I made it in. I have been signing up for my classes and I am actually excited for next semester. It has been a little while since I have been excited about going to school. I'm sure it will be hard but from my I understand these classes will actually apply to what I want to do.
I also applied for the strategy program which is a specific emphasis in the business management major. The thing that I wasn't really expecting was the fact that I had to submit more than just my grades and a resume. I had to write an application essay and for the strategy program I had to write an even shoter letter of intent. The thing that was so hard was that I had to be concise and succinct with what I wanted to get across but also tell it in a way that they would remember in order to distinguish me from other candidates. This writing class, in addition to all the other writing I have done this semester, really helped me be able to write this. I attribute the writing to much of the reason why I made it in.

Thanksgiving break

"I am thankful" for Thanksgiving break because it very deceivingly gives me time to make up homework. The problem is the fact that it's already Saturday and I still really don't have that much done. The truth is, it really is a terrible time for homework, especially if you go home for the break. I had such high hopes and yet again procrastination got the best of me.  Your family usually has so much planned and or unplanned for that matter and all you want to do is spend time with them.
I wish I knew how to overcome this but I guess I'll have to wait until next year to try again. Anyway, my thanksgiving break was a great one filled with multiple turkey dinners. I wondered often if it was a bad thing that I couldn't breath after eating so much. It may or may not have happened multiple times.
Every year we usually go around the table and say the things we are grateful for but this year for some reason we did not. I always felt like it was kind of cheesy because somehow I always ended up being one of the last ones and of course by then all the good things to be grateful for had been taken but in all reality I kind of missed it. I felt like I was a little jilted out of a true celebration of Thanksgiving. I guess there is always next year for that one as well.

Black Friday... Becoming Black Thursday

I don't know if any of you have ever taken part in the chaos of black friday but I honestly don't have any desire to go wait in line for hours on end for a "good deal". I mean really, there's always another sale. Maybe someday I'll be converted but for now I think it's a bit much.
The most interesting part to me is how companies are now beginning to stay open on Thursday. They have broken the unwritten rule of treating your employees fair. I have already heard some people say that it's terrible that they make their employees work on a Holiday which I would probably agree with. But for some reason they think it is the "big businesses" fault. I would be careful to lay blame solely with them because when you think about it who are they trying to please? It's you and I, the consumer. If we show them that we are willing and even that we want to shop on Thanksgiving then they are going to stay open to maximize their earning potential. In all reality I think it's kind of sad that many in our nation have completely lost the view of what Thanksgiving is all about. They would rather go out there and find a few really "good deals" than spend time with their family and friends, focusing on the things that are most important in life. Remember that the holiday was made to give thanks not show greed.